why self lead?
i have a mission to help people get unstuck using self-leadership. but you might still be wondering what the heck is it? and how is it going to help me?
so i want to be really clear that self leadership is what we already do. we already use our own tools and our own gifts and our own sense of self to help ourselves. self help is a huge industry because we already have that within us, that desire to help ourselves.
but self leadership is a bit like self help on steroids. we are actually putting the SELF into self help. using self leadership, you actually learn how to empower the true self, cultivate the self you wish to be, and strengthen the sense of self so that self can drive this bus called life... instead of letting struggle or stuckness drive the bus of life, which is what we do on autopilot.
we all know this... we feel stuck, we're struggling, things are hard, and when we're in that survival mode to push our way through, struggle drives the bus, struggle decides what we do next... fear, worry, doubt, frustration, feeling depleted, feeling overwhelmed, feeling guilty, not prioritizing ourselves, whatever the reasons are... that's what drives the bus.
so self leadership is about turning on the power of the self to lead us through struggle or stuckness... to navigate us through life’s ups and downs. it’s not about never getting stuck again it’s about knowing you’ve got YOU to get you through.
let’s put the self back into self help. self is the prerequisite to getting unstuck.
a lot of self-help and self-development work can make us think we need to fix or solve or be rid of our struggles in order to move forward. and to be fair, our brains come by this naturally… our brains love clarity and simplicity so we of course we just want to solve things. and the self help industry grows because of that.
but there’s something different about a self leadership approach, and something i really want you to know: you do not need to be fixed.
whatever struggle or stuckness or hard thing you find yourself in right now, you are not doing it wrong. you do not need to fix or solve or get rid of or overcome or uplevel any part of yourself in order to do more of what you say you want to do.
i have been into self-help and self-development for a long long time… i had self-help books on my shelf next to my nancy drews. i’ve loved learning about the self and i love exploring and connecting dots. and also, self help has often left me feeling more stuck. when i was really struggling, the self help strategies i had collected didn’t really help any more, they felt like lip service, like bypassing. i felt worse as i felt like my problems weren't getting fixed… like i was doing it wrong… like i was the problem, like there must be something wrong with me that i hadn’t ‘gotten over it’ by now.
my sense of self got rocked, and i felt even more stuck.
have a look at some of the messages i have collected lately - real life people trying to get unstuck, trying self-help tools… and real life messages that are out there.
if you're feeling stuck, just force yourself to do the thing.
silence your inner critic
you need to just push past this
i'll show you how to get rid of those pesky blocks
you can override the fear
just ignore your guilt and do it anyway
here's how to hack your brain
here's how to overcome your imposter syndrome
you should stop using personality as a crutch
eradicate those excuses once and for all
you might notice the language is all around fixing, solving, ridding, overcoming, upleveling… as though who you are is a problem that needs to be fixed! and that is just not true. you are not broken.
you do not need to be fixed. your struggle does not need to be solved or fixed or overcome or eradicated in order to do more of what you say you want to do.
and you are not a project. life is the project. you get to decide how you show up for that. and what self leadership is all about is strengthening the sense of self so that self decides how you show up, not struggle. struggle doesn't get to drive the bus, but struggle does get to be there. it exists. life is full of ups and downs!
this isn't about i'll never get stuck again. with self-leadership it’s about knowing: i've got me to see me through whatever struggle comes my way. it's strengthening the sense of self and allowing our struggling parts to exist… then becoming a wise guide to struggle so that it no longer drives the bus of life.
you don’t need fixing. let's take fixing and solving out of self-help. you are actually really remarkable and you have the power within you to do all the things that you say you want to do.
the self leadership that i teach has three steps that you basically use over and over again.
step 1 is to strengthen your sense of self.
step 2 is to allow the struggle, have compassion for your struggling parts, become a wise guide to your struggle
step 3 is to let self lead, let self determine the next right step (instead of letting struggle decide!)
so the whole point of self leadership is for YOU to become your own coach, or your own guide, your own guru, you strengthen the fact that you are the expert of you. and you strengthen your sense of self so that SELF drives this bus called life (instead of letting struggle drive!)
so for whatever stuck thing you've been dealing with, if you’re thinking this is just another self help strategy, and i've tried all these different self-help things, all this mindset or motivation stuff, and nothing really changes it.
i still struggle with this fear, i still hear this inner critic, i still feel stuck in resistance, i still have the same excuses… whatever, pick your struggle… if you are thinking that nothing you’ve tried really changes anything, i want you to know that self-leadership is different, because we approach it from inside out. we strengthen self to get unstuck.
maybe you are like me – you’ve been into self-help and self-development stuff – and also you still feel stuck. you’re still looking for that magic wand – that one hack or trick or tool or strategy that’s really going to change things for you. the aim of self-leadership is to stop looking outward for a magic wand or a fix and instead find our own magic within. we strengthen self so that self can be empowered to navigate life’s ups and downs.
of course there will be times you need outside support – you might work with a coach or therapist or counsellor or support group to get you through some tricky times. but some of us won’t access that kind of support for lots of different reasons and even if we do… wouldn’t it be nice to also know that you can support your self through life’s struggles?
what if you could always know, that no matter what, you’ve got YOU to see you through?
that's my favourite thing about self-leadership. you get to learn that you are the one you’ve been waiting for! you are the hero of your own story. you can become your own coach, your own leader or guide. of course every hero needs a sidekick – someone to share the journey, someone to cheer you on, someone to explore with – i would love to be your side kick.
so you see, this is better than self-help! with self leadership self becomes the helper… self takes the lead.
if you'd like to explore how self leadership might help with your exact kind of stuckness, let's meet your struggle! it's a guided exercise specifically made for you. find it at karenbrandy.com/meet-your-struggle
