how to show up for your self in 2026
new podcast! episode 1
in this episode we talk about how identity work is the missing piece when it comes to showing up for your self and for the things you say you want for your self. if you are trying to do something for you, especially as we start this new year, this is the episode for you! we aren’t talking about habits or mindset or mojo… we are talking about self expansion and self strengthening…. because i always say: start with self! please click through to listen or scroll down to read the transcript. be sure to grab the worksheet that goes with this episode! happy new new year!
transcript: how to show up for your self
hi friends! i am karen brandy. i am an author, teacher, creator, healer and self coach… these are the identities i am fully stepping into this year! it’s good to claim them out loud!
i help people find an unshakable sense of self so that we can show up for what we want for ourselves and shine our light in the world… as i believe we are here to do.
as i record this episode i don’t even know yet what to call this podcast! i just know that i felt the nudge to share this idea today, and my aim for this year is to show up for my ideas and share them widely… so here i am, starting imperfectly and before i am ready, and we will see if this resonates, and if a name for this podcast emerges!
as i record this it is February 1 and i always say that February is the new January… so happy new year! what did you decide you wanted for yourself this year? maybe it’s a resolution… or maybe you call it an intention or a desire or a goal… or maybe you don’t even know yet because resolutions are dumb! or maybe you have happened upon this podcast episode at some other time… with a new season or a new chapter or a new goal emerging for your self. either way… how is that going for you so far? maybe there is something you say you want for your self but you’ve noticed that you just can’t seem to make it happen… or your mojo has faded… or maybe you are simply thinking now what? how do i actually begin to create this change for my self?
that is the theme of this episode… how to up for your self and for what you say you want for your self!
the first thing i want you to know is that what i am about to teach you is not: mindset work, a habit challenge, or a motivation/commitment pep talk.
instead what we will be doing is: identity work & self expansion. it’s about writing the story of who you wish to be and how you wish to feel and what really matters to you - the story of your favourite self - and letting that favourite self drive the bus (instead of letting stuckness drive).
when we do this – when we strengthen our sense of self, show up for our self, and let our rock solid sense of self lead - we absolutely experience mindset shifts, habit shifts, and mojo shifts. we start with self and then life begins to transform around us.
so let’s give it a try!
let’s start with what you want for yourself this year, or this chapter or season. what do you want to do or have?
perhaps it is a mental health or physical health goal – to start walking or have more energy.
perhaps it’s about nurturing a hobby, interest or passion – to take a class or make time for an activity
perhaps you have a concrete goal like write a book, start a business, join a gym or perhaps it is more broad like make more time for my self or prioritise my self or find my self again.
(now – if you are thinking: i’m not sure what i want, actually. i think what i want is clarity… direction… focus. i want to turn on my wanting and figure out what it is i desire… the next episode is for you!)
because, first we need to WANT. we need to tap into our heart’s desire – what we want for our selves – because there is power in your desire!
now the strategy i want you to try today is to make a shift from: what i want to DO (or have) to WHO I WANT TO BE.
who do i need to be in order to do more of what i say i want? how am i hoping to feel if i do that thing? what’s most important to me? why does it matter to me?
so with this exercise we are moving away from being specific about what we want to DO or even HAVE (which are things outside of us) and instead exploring and strengthening who we want to BE and how we want to FEEL (which are things inside of us.)
for example:
if you want to focus on ‘exercising more’ you might want to BE HEALTHY or FEEL WELL.
if you want to write a book you might want to BE AN AUTHOR or FEEL INSPIRED.
if you want to prioritise rest or do some sort of restorative practice you might want to BE EMBODIED or FEEL PEACE.
if you want to lift weights you might want to BE STRONG or FEEL VITALITY.
if you want to have more time for fun or pleasure or hobbies you might want to BE PLAYFUL or FEEL JOY.
if you want to start a meditation practice you might want to BE SPIRITUAL or FEEL CONNECTED.
i want to be a _______ person who feels _______.
you can get creative here! when i first decided to start showing up for myself i really wasn’t sure what i wanted to do, i just knew i wanted to feel better. my focus at first was on my health and wellbeing (because i was really struggling with depression) so i decided that the kind of person i wanted to be was someone who did not give up on themselves, someone who fought for themselves… someone who felt empowered and energised and motivated… i summed that up by saying that i wanted to be a wellbeing warrior.
once you have a thought about who you want to be, close your eyes and imagine this version of you. you might like to think of this as a future self, a next level self, or a favourite self. (note: i try not to say “best self” because best is a judgement, it’s pressure, and that is not what identity work is about!) use language that connects for you. you might even like to give this version of your self – who you want to be – their own name or persona.
imagine the identity of this kind of person – this favourite self. what are ALL the things this sort of person would do, or even could do!
for me i thought a wellbeing warrior could:
walk, yoga, stretch, pilates classes, weight lift, paddle board
journal, self-development, healing practices
go outside, be in nature, time spent by the sea
use strengths (learning, creativity)
connect with friends
turn off phone apps/scroll less
make time for hobbies, interests, fun
you might ask yourself these questions:
how will i know when i am being _____ type of person?
and: what activities/actions/things/people/places/experiences make me feel the way i want to feel?
this is about showing up for yourself consistently, repeatedly… not perfectly. you need ways to show up for this version of you on the shit days as well as the shiny days. so be sure to include things in your brainstorm that your favourite self could do even if they are busy, or even if they don’t feel well, or they have no mojo, or only have a tiny bit of time, or even if life hands them a shit storm to deal with.
for instance, i might add some things to my list like:
Þ rest in a hammock, bare feet in the grass, shavasana, guided meditation audio, read a good book in my bed with a cup of tea
this is about adding as many details as we can to this picture of our next level identity.
when we lead with identity – with that picture of who we want to be, that clear image of favourite self – there is room for expansion, for possibility, and for grace.
if we say something like “i want to go to the gym every day” – what happens on a day where you aren’t feeling up to it, or when life gets particularly busy, or you have an injury or illness, or the gym is closed due to incident, or whatever. if you miss a day, suddenly you feel like you didn’t show up for yourself or you let yourself down or you failed in some way. you might want to give up, you might beat yourself up: we always do this, we always fuck it up, whats wrong with me that i cannot do this thing i say i want to do?
focusing on one narrow, rigid thing you need to DO or HAVE in order to feel successful can create a sense of pressure or a lot of rules: it has to look a certain way, it must be for a certain time frame, i can only do it in a certain location, it’s got to happen a certain number of times… otherwise it “doesn’t count” or “why bother” or “it’s not good enough.”
instead, let’s focus on the kind of person we want to be, the kind of person we are here to be. if instead of saying “i want to meditate every day” you could say “i want to be a wellbeing warrior” well now there is a tonne of possibility to work with and so much room for grace.
this way we have only one goal, one aim: i was me today.
(i was strong today. i was playful today. i was creative today. i was inspired today. you decide what the ME is – that favourite self of your imagination.)
with this approach our aim is no longer about one specific habit, or one idea of how it has got to be. we don’t have to be absolutely consistent with what exactly we do, instead we can build consistency in the grace we have for ourselves as we show up in this new way… we can consistently keep trying to show up as who it is we wish to be, who we are here to be, in lots of different ways.
now, let’s talk about our brain. there are some really interesting things you might like to know about how our brains work.
our brains are lazy – they will just repeat old stories over and over again.
our brains are on alert for danger – they don’t like new stories or change, they would rather stay safe and sound in the old way of doing things.
our brain is built to prove us right – it will find the evidence that proves the stories we are telling are true.
our subconscious mind is responsible for the majority of our behaviour and beliefs, and our identity - who we think ourselves to be – is the underlying program running the show. this is why we can’t just positive talk or motivate ourselves into change or new things.
our subconscious mind can’t tell difference between imagination and reality – so imagining up an expanded sense of self works to train your brain into believing new stories and finding new evidence and doing new things – your brain will build new pathways to support this new sense of identity.
and our brain rewires itself based on repetition.
identity work is all about writing a new story for yourself – for who you get to be and how you get to show up for yourself in this season of your life. it’s about teaching your brain, through repetition and recalibration, through practice and consistency and evidence – the new story you are telling about who you are.
remember that idea of grace we mentioned before… i like to call it imperfect grace. because that reminds me to have grace for my self as i show up in new ways, often imperfectly… but also it reminds me that my grace is allowed to be imperfect! if we could always let self take the lead our lives might indeed be perfect, but that is not what being human is. we carry every version of us, every part of us, and those parts struggle and get agitated and our brains repeat old stories and don’t like change so parts of us try to help by driving the bus away from what we want in order to keep us safe and we get stuck again. we’ll forget. we’ll slip into old stories (remember our lazy brain?). of course we will. the key is to simply notice, and come back to self. over and over again.
you might like to choose or create an anchor to help you remember the you you wish to be. an anchor can help with our come back rate! an anchor could be a colour or a scent or a talisman or symbol or piece of jewellery or quote or song or tattoo!… anything at all that reminds you of your favourite self. wear it. put it in your field of view daily. keep nurturing the new identity you are building, the new story you are writing for your self.
(and we’ll talk a lot more about the stuff that gets us stuck – the resistance and the yah buts and the obstacles – in future episodes, i promise!)
so now the key is to take action from that place of your favourite self identity. embody that identity in your daily life… start doing whatever it is you chose for your self… practice showing up in your life as your favourite self.
“Look closely at the present you are constructing: it should look like the future you are dreaming.” ― Alice Walker
my suggestion is to give yourself a window of time to practice, while tracking and noticing.
do it for 30 days or 21 days or 44 days if you just love 4s… whatever works for you! you can do this at any time, pick a month or a season or start today… it doesn’t have to be a special day or a perfect day to start showing up for yourself.
the reason i suggest picking a time period is simply to START! (otherwise days and weeks pass and we still haven’t done the things we said we wanted to do for our selves.) it can also help us to be intentional – to make a commitment to ourselves and to follow through. plus i want you to choose a way to track your efforts – because what we track we transform! – and having an end date for that makes it feel doable.
tracking is not for perfection. remember imperfect grace! you do not have to consistently do one thing every day, instead practice showing up for yourself in some way every day and consistently giving yourself grace. remember your aim: i was me today! you might even like to go back to your favourite self identity brainstorm and add even more ways you can practice showing up for yourself in that way. your practice can be anything you want it to be… it might even be as simple as: i was me today, i was kind to myself. i was inspired. i was joyful. i was at peace. or it might be more specific and structured: adding certain habits or experiences into your days, weeks, time.
to track you might like to keep a journal, take a photograph, colour or create art, use an online app or calendar, stick a big calendar up on your wall, stick post it notes on your wall, use a whiteboard marker to write on your bathroom mirror.
tracking is not about noticing flaws, it’s about noticing feeling. noticing our efforts, your trying, noticing your SELF! i was me today! it’s noticing any old stories popping up, any resistance or self-criticism or guilt or whatever and then celebrating how you practice compassion for your self. celebrating your ability to switch to the new story you are writing. celebrating how you show up for your self in lots of different ways, how you practice being the person you are here to be. celebrating your come back rate.
so: choose a time period to practice showing up for yourself and choose a way to track (to notice and celebrate and have grace for) your efforts and then get started!
other things that can help as you begin to show up for your self in new ways are to have
support – share what you are working on with someone who will cheer you on, share this idea with a friend and use the buddy system
some fun ways to celebrate your milestones – is there something special you can treat yourself to at the end of your practice period?
boundaries in place – block out and protect your time, let people know this is important to you, keep your boundary with your self – this matters to you!
anything else that works for you – gold stars? streaks? fundraising? financial investment? you know yourself best – what would help you to show up for your self in these new ways?
before we finish up, i’d like to note one more thing. your favourite self is always becoming. it’s not a “one and done” sort of thing. it’s not a tattoo! so no pressure to get this concept “just right”’ before you begin.
when i was deep in struggle town i felt so lost, like i was just a shadow of a self. the way i decided to show up for my self was to find my self, FOUND was how i wanted to feel. then, as my sense of self began to come back to me, i wanted to feel well – the well being warrior identity helped me to really begin to change my life. then i wanted purpose and drive, i decided to reignite my little biz builder identity. lately my self practice has been about feeling connected to spirit and i am nurturing my psychic witch healer identity! that’s a lot of fun. this year my next level identity is all about showing up for my business, my gifts and offerings, in big, bold ways. i share this with you to show that self is not static. it’s not a matter of abandoning who you are to create some new identity. or getting your sense of self perfect from the start. i look at is as self strengthening – learning, knowing, embracing “this is me.” and self expansion – this is who i want to be, this is who i am ready to be next. it’s like the container of self continues to get bigger and stronger, more clear and more ignited.
so as you think about what you want for yourself this year… start with SELF. start with identity – with you want to be – and build your dreams and goals from there! i have created a worksheet to help you practice the ideas shared in this episode. find it on the show notes for this episode at karenbrandy.com/explore
if you love practical, doable strategies for helping your self, you might be interested in untethered: the workbook to get unstuck. the workbook has many exercises to strengthen and expand your favourite self, to explore the stories and struggles that keep us stuck, and to let your favourite self drive this bus called life with self-aligned behaviours and beliefs. the workbook is perfect for those who are self directed and like to learn and explore on their own.
if you prefer further support and guidance, i offer that too – i always say that you are the hero of your own story, but every hero needs a sidekick! i would love to be yours.
find both the untethered workbook and ways to work with me at karenbrandy.com
i would also love to hear from you – how are you going to show up for your self? are there things that have you feeling stuck? anything you’d like to explore? please do DM me or send me an email.
in closing,
i wish to acknowledge the Kaurna people, the traditional owners of the land on which i live, write, create, and teach… and i acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which you join me from.
i also wish to acknowledge that while i love to share from a variety of perspectives and therapies (including positive psychology, ACT, IFS, neuroscience, mindful self-compassion) i am not a therapist, nor an expert… i simply wish to share information and ideas that may offer insight and inspiration that YOU can use to lead your self out of stuckness and into the life you want for your self.
i also acknowledge my own privilege. whilst i am learning to lead myself through struggle i also have time, money, and support to do this work and that affords me the capacity that others may not have. some struggles will not be alleviated by self-help alone. my aim is to simply offer some new perspectives that might help shift things for you internally, no matter what further steps you decide to take.
thank you for joining me in this exploration of SELF. until next time, keep shining.