midlife

midlife.

i get why it's called a crisis 

your body hurts from the moment you wake up

and all you did was lie flat

your brain isn't working like it once did

you are foggy and forgetful and vague

and confused by this

because your brain once made you special

new physical symptoms surprise you every day

yet people around you just shrug 

"this is midlife" 

as though we aren't supposed to

want more, want health, want energy, want peace

there's the random, inexplicable rage

and the anxiety that shows up out of the blue

the depression that can't seem to be cured

and the mental load that grows heavier

with each passing year

we are the sandwhich generation

caring for our little people 

and our aging people 

all at once

then figuring out how to say goodbye 

to both 

as your little people leave your nest 

and your aging people leave you an orphan

all of this means your identity shifts

you question both

who you were

and who you're supposed to be now

and where we used to be choosy

about where we gave our fucks

we wonder now if we have any fucks

left to give at all

but, still.

it is called menoPAUSE

so perhaps we ought to pause

and be still

in this moment in time

and remember that those who call it 

crisis: a time of intense difficulty or danger

don't realise that the only thing

dangerous

in midlife

is a women who has forgotten her magic

or perhaps the danger is in fact

the women who fully realises her magic

and her power

and so that is what this chapter must be

not midlife crisis

but midlife magic

finding the magic and opportunity and power of this time

magic in the pause

magic in the shedding and shifting

magic and curiosity and intention

it is now imperative to prioritise our selves

it is no longer possible to put ourselves last

our bodies demand it of us

our souls beg it of us

we must support ourselves

the way we've supported so many others

we must strengthen ourselves

not just our bones, our muscles, our hearts, our brains

but our dreams and our desires

our values and our voices and our vitality

our resilience

and our joy

midlife

is

my life.

i am the author of this chapter

i am the maker of the magic